This is for the Great Single Dads out there!

I recently read an article on the internet about a father who is single and taking care of his own. The story was quite touching, but the author of the article made it seem like he was the only one of his kind. I applauded the article, but was very upset that it failed to mention that their are alot of fathers out there, raising their children on their own and credit is due. This blog is dedicated to all the single, hard working fathers that are raising their children without the help of the mother, no matter what the case may be. I will start with my own story. At least the beginning and if you are interested. I can take you on this journey of 10 years and where I am today. I will also, with great gratitude, describe how my sons are doing today. I will not downplay a Mother's roll, but to let you know, that many men battle against this one sided society. Therefore, discrimination is not only against a man of color, religion, or belief, but against fathers who are raising their own.
I am a retired Law Enforcement officer, divorced after 9 years of marriage. I worked many nights of overtime to support my family. Bought a new house with all the overtime worked that year (1995) and drove 90 miles each direction just to live in an affordable town in California. I came home one day, and noticed that my children were left with a babysitter and my wife was out on the town, partying late nights during the week. I later found out that she was hanging out with neighbors (all male) and dancing at the nearest country western bar. Of course, I did not like "country" music at the time. We talked that evening, she told me that she wanted a divorce, that she fell out of love with me. I got upset, packed up, and moved to an apartment. I then found myself in court, having to pay 15oo a month in child support. She also got the house in the divorce, I got visitation of my two sons, who were 3 and 6 at the time. She told family and friends that I cheated on her and moved away for no apparent reason. Sounds familiar? My closest of relatives did not believe her. Some were not sure, and of course the wives of friends forced their husbands to believe that I left my wife for another woman.
I fought for more visitation. I fought for less child support due to the fact that my wife made the same amount as I did, except she was self employed and showed minimal income. I lost my apartment and had to live with a friend and his family. Thank god for my best friend. For 1 year, I did this. The District Attorneys office would garnish my wages, because they can for no reason. Its by request of the Custodial parent. I lost my court case due to the fact that the mediator felt that my wife should be the custodial parent. She had the house, our sons, $1500.00 amonth (10 years ago) and an increase everytime I got a payraise. One thing though, I love my children, and never missed visitation. In fact, she became very busy with other men, vacationing, and next thing I know, my sons are with me almost each week, which was great.
The story turns. I start noticing that my kids are unkempt. They are with babysitters during the week and on her weekends. She is now an avid traveler with several new boyfriends. In fact, most I knew from my Law Enforcement contacts I had with them. Yes, she started going to the dark side. She was having an early midlife crisis, loved the badboys, and started to "Party" a little too much. After several of her closest friends leaving her side due to her change of character, my sons battle with lice over 6 months at her home, rumor of her drug use, I took a stand. Alone with no help. Not because I did not want any help, I could not afford it! I was living on $650 dollars a month and I could not afford a retainer fee. I seeked legal help from a local "do it yourself" person and the battle started. The first was to prove that I was a good father and capable of caring for my sons. Afterall, I was at there schools during the years, helping them with their grades, coaching them in sports, involved with the PTA, took them to church. And believe me, it was the first thing brought up in court. I was the bad guy. Her attorney stated that I was never there for my children. He also stated that she never had done drugs and offered to take drug tests. I was alone in court. No one at my side. No attorney to fight for me. All I had was sworn testimony from Her best friend of 30 years that my ex was hooked on Cocaine. Yet, I was the bad guy in the court room. No one would believe me that my wife was not caring for my children any longer. That she was involved with something so great that would change her forever. Of course, I was slandered in court as using my position as a peace officer to pursuade and obtain arrest records and calls of service to her residence, which were public records. Even though I was in law enforcement, I was no match for family law attorney who job is to bury me in court. But I did my research, contacted friends and witnesses, got sworn statements from teachers, childcare providers, friends, and family. The judge decided to get order a drug test which my exwife was happy to give. I argued that she needed to take a hair folicle test inorder to prove that the drugs were ingested within the last 2 months. My exwife's attorney argued that it was unreasonable and a urine test would be fine. A urine test is only good for 3 days of ingestion. Thank god I knew that. My ex stated that she had never used "drugs" and she would take the tests. The judge ordered both tests at my expense. It was the best investment set forth upon a man who truly loves his children and fought for their future, even when the light is dim, a new sun rises and lights up the world.
In my next blog, I will tell you the rest of my story if you are interested. I will tell you what has expired over the years. I will also point out the discrimination against fathers and the thoughts of even your closest friends and family when they find that you may be the custodial parent. Thank you for your time.